@Roxtalled: Boss: Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact?
Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.
@Roxtalled: *stands by cucumbers at grocery store
*hides by baby carrots
*gets ego boost
@Roxtalled: Her: Make me a burrito, please.
*wraps her in blanket
*pours hot sauce inside
@Roxtalled: Opening a Twitter account is like opening a bag of money after you rob a bank. You're happy until shit explodes in your face.