Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SatansTongue's best tweets

@SatansTongue : The average person has sex 89 times a year. This is gonna be one hell of a week.

@SatansTongue: Aw look he's about to say his first words!
"Say dada!"
*baby opens mouth*
Here it comes!
*airhorn noise*

@SatansTongue: *el chapo dies*
God: okay I'm gonna have to send you to hell
Chapo: ok
*3 weeks later*
Angel: El Chapo has escaped from hell

@SatansTongue: *puts little Santa hat on cat*

Hahaha Santa claws

*puts little Santa hat on dog*

Hahaha Santa paws

@SatansTongue: 6th grade nurse: do you play baseball
Me: uhh why
Nurse: your right arm is so much stronger than-
Me: oh yeah! Yeah I play baseball so much

@SatansTongue: (Macbeth and lady Macbeth)
"I killed King Duncan"
Macbeth wtf!!
"You told me to!!"
I didn't think you'd do it omg lmao savage

@SatansTongue: *at a concert*
ARE YOU GUYS READY TO ROCK
(Crowd)
"YEAAAAH"
LETS DO THIS HIT IT
*30 second ad plays first*

@SatansTongue: "You can be anything!"
Okay I'm going to be Kanye west
"Josh that's not what I meant"
Shhhh
*puts my finger to her lips*
It's Kanye now

@SatansTongue: The Catholic Church is selling bath bombs!
*puts Jesus Christ limited edition bath bomb into water*
*water turns into wine*
Thank u Jesus

@SatansTongue: *Will smith is alone in his corner, depressed*

"Won't Smith," he whispers