Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Sean_Burgundy_'s best tweets

@Sean_Burgundy_ : Friend: All I want for Christmas is a new blender Me: Wouldn't you rather have your life together?

@Sean_Burgundy_: Just for once I wanna be able to explain after I say "I can explain."

@Sean_Burgundy_: Friend: Do I need to repeat myself?

Me: No. I might not be able to ignore you a second time

@Sean_Burgundy_: [ 3 AM ]

Friend: I got a flat and I'm stranded

Me: Do you have snacks in your car?

Friend: No

Me: *Hangs up

@Sean_Burgundy_: Her: Prove that you care about me

Me: *Takes my phone off the charger and plugs in hers

@Sean_Burgundy_: Window repairman: What happened did someone try to break into your house?

Me: No. My gf said we needed to talk

@Sean_Burgundy_: Her: You need to text faster

Me: Not sure what you just sent. I'm still working on the texts from 3 weeks ago

@Sean_Burgundy_: You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she organizes body parts in her freezer

@Sean_Burgundy_: All I'm saying is if I were president I would make a law banning women from saying "We need to talk"