Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SoVeryBritish's best tweets

@SoVeryBritish : How to answer the door: 1. See person has arrived 2. Wait for doorbell 3. Count to five 4. Open and act surprised

@SoVeryBritish: Leaving restaurant: "That was lovely"
Outside: "Well, it was okay"
In car: "I mean, it wasn't great"
Back home: "We won't go there again"

@SoVeryBritish: Feeling extremely smug after being the best at pulling over to let an ambulance pass

@SoVeryBritish: "Yes, I remember you saying" - Translation: Please stop saying that

@SoVeryBritish: Still suddenly panicking that you haven't done your homework on Sunday evenings, despite being in your thirties

@SoVeryBritish: How to fix something:
-Say "let's have a look"
-Describe the brokenness
-Break it a bit more
-Say "nah it's broken"
-Place hands on hips

@SoVeryBritish: "Anyway it was lovely to meet you!" - Translation: Off you go!

@SoVeryBritish: British seasons:
Spring: Two months
Summer: Eight minutes
Autumn: Three weeks
Winter: Seven years

@SoVeryBritish: Responding as if you've just been wrongfully accused of murder when someone on the phone asks if you're still in bed

@SoVeryBritish: Things that cause extreme panic:
- Accidentally liking a Tweet
- No milk
- Unknown numbers
- The question "you don't remember me do you?"