Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SoVeryBritish's best tweets

@SoVeryBritish : “I’m not going to eat anything today” “Pie?” “Please”

@SoVeryBritish: Neighbour chat:

“Alright?”
“Not bad, thanks, you?”
“Yeah not bad!”
“Haha, see you later!”

Then into the safety of your car, to wonder why you laughed so much for no reason

@SoVeryBritish: “Sorry, could I just squeeze by?”

<person doesn’t move an inch>

“Thanks”

@SoVeryBritish: “I wouldn’t worry if I were you” - Translation: I’m not worried because I’m not you

@SoVeryBritish: How to answer the door:
1. See person has arrived
2. Wait for doorbell
3. Count to five
4. Open and act surprised

@SoVeryBritish: Leaving restaurant: "That was lovely"
Outside: "Well, it was okay"
In car: "I mean, it wasn't great"
Back home: "We won't go there again"

@SoVeryBritish: Feeling extremely smug after being the best at pulling over to let an ambulance pass

@SoVeryBritish: "Yes, I remember you saying" - Translation: Please stop saying that

@SoVeryBritish: Still suddenly panicking that you haven't done your homework on Sunday evenings, despite being in your thirties

@SoVeryBritish: How to fix something:
-Say "let's have a look"
-Describe the brokenness
-Break it a bit more
-Say "nah it's broken"
-Place hands on hips