“I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves”
Oh dear you thought wrong.
Nothing like a nice refreshing shower to make you sweat relentlessly for at least an hour
British people this week:
“Ooh it’s too hot for me”
“Enjoy it while it lasts!”
If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.
How to start a diet:
1. Do it tomorrow
2. Wake up and repeat step 1
“As per my email…”
Ooh, someone’s absolutely livid.
Leaving restaurant: “That was lovely”
Outside: “Well, it was okay”
In car: “I mean, it wasn’t great”
Back home: “We won’t go there again”
A Brit accepting a compliment:
“I like your coat”
“What? This old rag? Don’t be silly. It cost 2p. I’ve had it ten years. I found it in a bin. It’s a load of tat. Thank you, though!”
Responding to someone putting on their jacket, picking up their bag, turning towards the door and walking away by asking “you off?”
Nearly having a panic attack when you hear “tickets, please!” as you sit in the correct seat holding your fully valid train ticket.
Things Brits say when they’re absolutely livid:
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“What’s going on in here?”
“With all due respect”
“I beg your pardon”
“Can I help you?”
“Now look”
“I’ll write a letter”
“I’ve had just about enough of this”
“Is there anybody else I can speak to?”
“Right, whose round is it?”
Translation: It is not my round and I know whose round it is.
You: *makes tiniest movement on sofa*
Someone: “you going to the kitchen?”
Suddenly being asked for your thoughts in a meeting when you’ve spent the last 15 minutes thinking about which sandwich to have for lunch.
“So sorry” – Actually sorry
“Sorry about that” – Not really sorry
“Sorry you feel that way” – Not sorry at all
“Sorry, but…” – Apologise to me