Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of SoVeryBritish's best tweets

@SoVeryBritish : A British person, unable to stand upright due to the gust, leaves and twigs smashing into their head, with eyebrows blown clean from their face and sore eyes watering with tears quickly whipped away by the gale, is unable to resist uttering: “Bit windy”

@SoVeryBritish: Ways to look busy:

1. Turn up later than everyone else but rush into the office looking annoyed
2. Act like spending half an hour in the toilet has annoyed you
3. Rush around with an open laptop looking annoyed
4. Get annoyed at a printer
5. Just generally look annoyed

@SoVeryBritish: “I’m not going to eat anything today”
“Pie?”
“Please”

@SoVeryBritish: Neighbour chat:

“Alright?”
“Not bad, thanks, you?”
“Yeah not bad!”
“Haha, see you later!”

Then into the safety of your car, to wonder why you laughed so much for no reason

@SoVeryBritish: “Sorry, could I just squeeze by?”

<person doesn’t move an inch>

“Thanks”

@SoVeryBritish: “I wouldn’t worry if I were you” - Translation: I’m not worried because I’m not you

@SoVeryBritish: How to answer the door:
1. See person has arrived
2. Wait for doorbell
3. Count to five
4. Open and act surprised

@SoVeryBritish: Leaving restaurant: "That was lovely"
Outside: "Well, it was okay"
In car: "I mean, it wasn't great"
Back home: "We won't go there again"

@SoVeryBritish: Feeling extremely smug after being the best at pulling over to let an ambulance pass

@SoVeryBritish: "Yes, I remember you saying" - Translation: Please stop saying that