Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of StevieKnip's best tweets

@StevieKnip : Son: I'm gay, dad. Dad: no I'm gay dad Dad #2: no I'm gay dad

@StevieKnip: What idiot called them dog tags instead of collar ID

@StevieKnip: [accidentally hits Siri in high school classroom]
Siri: what can I do for you, #1 God of Sex?
[every boy in the class checks their phone]

@StevieKnip: Who called it a Spanish teacher instead of an instruction Manuel?

@StevieKnip: Me: I hit the ejector seat and sent her through the roof by accident
Cop: you're under arrest. I'm taking you to jail
Me: let's take my car

@StevieKnip: *wakes up from 20 year coma*

SHIT, MY TAMOGOTCHI

@StevieKnip: Stop, Drop, and Roll: A Beginners Guide to Bowling

@StevieKnip: lawyer talking under his breath: "guiltypeoplesaywhat?"

suspect: what?

lawyer: no further questions your honor

@StevieKnip: Cop: Hey U!

U: who, me?

Cop: no the other 1!

1: who, me?

Cop: both of U!

W: who, us?

Cop: Yes you!

U: Who, me?

Cop: No!

No: yes?

@StevieKnip: What idiot called him Steve Jobs instead of Mac Daddy