Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Swishergirl24's best tweets

@Swishergirl24 : This frozen meal expects me to know what wattage my microwave is like I'm some kind of wizard.

@Swishergirl24: Meeting people from the Internet is a great way to either get murdered or have sex. Either way it sounds great.

@Swishergirl24: Parenting is all about multitasking. Like trying to brush your teeth while you're rock climbing.

@Swishergirl24: I was hoping to lose weight when I quit drinking, but it turns out that's not how pregnancy works.

@Swishergirl24: So far my favorite part about being pregnant is telling people I'm not pregnant when they ask when I'm due.

@Swishergirl24: Star Wars spoiler: Ross and Rachel end up together in the end.

@Swishergirl24: Why are people upset about the Starbucks cup and not the fact that they are paying $7 for coffee?

@Swishergirl24: I just found out that the only thing you need to apply for a marriage license is your ID and an idiot.

@Swishergirl24: Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about idiot teenagers who don't know the difference between sleeping and dead

@Swishergirl24: If by "unload the dishwasher" you mean take out clean utensils as I need them, then yes I unloaded the dishwasher.