Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ThaJawn's best tweets

@ThaJawn : *buying a new phone* How many mega pickles does the camera have?

@ThaJawn: What if the washer has been stealing the socks and we have just been blaming the dryer?

@ThaJawn: David Attenborough: The hippos have patiently surrounded the unsuspecting white marbles

@ThaJawn: Dog: I don't get it

Me: What don't you get?

Dog: Just go over it again

Me: This is MY food and that is YOUR food

Dog: *tilts head* What?

@ThaJawn: Wife: Stop acting like a child!

Me: *hiding in clothing rack*
I WANT TO GO HOME!

@ThaJawn: Doctor: *looking at chart* You need to go for walks more

Me: ok...

Doctor: *still looking at chart* and buy more treats

Me: What?

Doctor: *still looking at chart* and leave the toilet seat up

Me: Wait! You're my dog in a lab coat!

@ThaJawn: I want a horse but I'm worried I'll just pile laundry on it

@ThaJawn: Cop: Second time this week

Me: I thought I could be brave

C: Yeah I know, this slide is pretty high for you, now just take my hand

M: ok

@ThaJawn: Kangaroo: *takes baby out of pouch

Me: *takes chapstick out of fanny pack

**simultaneous nods of respect**

@ThaJawn: Judas: You guys coming to the last supper?

Everyone Else: Why'd you call it that?