Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ThaJawn's best tweets

@ThaJawn : Wife: Stop acting like a child! Me: *hiding in clothing rack* I WANT TO GO HOME!

@ThaJawn: Doctor: *looking at chart* You need to go for walks more

Me: ok...

Doctor: *still looking at chart* and buy more treats

Me: What?

Doctor: *still looking at chart* and leave the toilet seat up

Me: Wait! You're my dog in a lab coat!

@ThaJawn: I want a horse but I'm worried I'll just pile laundry on it

@ThaJawn: Cop: Second time this week

Me: I thought I could be brave

C: Yeah I know, this slide is pretty high for you, now just take my hand

M: ok

@ThaJawn: Kangaroo: *takes baby out of pouch

Me: *takes chapstick out of fanny pack

**simultaneous nods of respect**

@ThaJawn: Judas: You guys coming to the last supper?

Everyone Else: Why'd you call it that?

@ThaJawn: (rap battle)

Dr Seuss: *grabs mic

Everyone Else: *quits

@ThaJawn: (bank drive thru)

Me: *puts deposit through pneumatic tube

Banker: This is a can of Pringles

Me: Yes, savings please

@ThaJawn: Dad: This note from your calligraphy teacher is very concerning... and stunningly beautiful

@ThaJawn: Vampire: What is this?

Cashier: Pez *showing him how it works* See, the candy comes out of the-