Me: I played badminton and enjoyed it
Priest: That's not a sin
Me: I don't understand this religion...
@ThaJawn: Me: *searching cabinet
Wife: What are you looking for?
Me: A spouse
Wife: You mean spice
Me: No, just one
@ThaJawn: "Cute cat, what's it's name?"
Too-ra-loo-ra, but you have to sing, or she won't come
"Um ok,🎶 Too-ra-l"
SHE WON'T COME! IT'S A CAT! HAHA
@ThaJawn: To whoever hacked all the Yahoo accounts, please email me my Myspace login info. It's in there somewhere...
@ThaJawn: 5: There's a monster under my bed...
I wouldn't be scared of monsters, I saw a video of snakes hunting in packs *kisses forehead* goodnight
@ThaJawn: An air horn that looks like a febreze can so you will always know when someone shits at your house
@ThaJawn: David Attenborough: She looked lovely as she sat down to dine
Her: Are you narrating this date?
David: It was the only thing he knew to do
@ThaJawn: My dog just ate the last piece of pizza but of course when we were ordering and I asked who wanted some, she didn't say shit