Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheAlexNevil's best tweets

@TheAlexNevil : I took a break from social media to spend more time with my family. My family has requested I spend more time with social media.

@TheAlexNevil: Not all clowns are creepy. Many are just honest, hard-working operatives of Satan.

@TheAlexNevil: I never slashed an enemy’s tires, but once I wrote “Your mean” on his dirty back window, misspelling “You’re” just to mess with his head.

@TheAlexNevil: How To Be A Parent

Step 1: have a child

Step 2: your guess is as good as mine

@TheAlexNevil: “What kind of sick game are you playing, Karen?”

@TheAlexNevil: *first day in prison
*walks up to biggest guy
*asks for WiFi password

@TheAlexNevil: I put my shirt on like everyone else. How I get my pants on, however, involves a spatula and 8 monkeys with Navy SEAL-like precision.

@TheAlexNevil: *accidentally walks into lion’s den
*goes back to party in lion’s living room

@TheAlexNevil: An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion is stupid because it could be resting.

@TheAlexNevil: People who say “Everything happens for a reason” don’t appreciate the irony when I push them down stairs.