@TheAlexNevil: Not all clowns are creepy. Many are just honest, hard-working operatives of Satan.
@TheAlexNevil: I never slashed an enemy’s tires, but once I wrote “Your mean” on his dirty back window, misspelling “You’re” just to mess with his head.
@TheAlexNevil: How To Be A Parent
Step 1: have a child
Step 2: your guess is as good as mine
@TheAlexNevil: I put my shirt on like everyone else. How I get my pants on, however, involves a spatula and 8 monkeys with Navy SEAL-like precision.
@TheAlexNevil: *accidentally walks into lion’s den
*goes back to party in lion’s living room
@TheAlexNevil: An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion is stupid because it could be resting.
@TheAlexNevil: People who say “Everything happens for a reason” don’t appreciate the irony when I push them down stairs.