Funny Tweeter

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Page of TheAlexNevil's best tweets

@TheAlexNevil : Remember, parents: your children look to you for guidance. Kids are dumb like that.

@TheAlexNevil: 7: I'm thinking of a number between 1 and a thousand million
Me: Thats great!
*I walk away

@TheAlexNevil: Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And I'm terrible with decisions, so I went home.

@TheAlexNevil: Be a good dad
When your son wants to play catch, do it
When he needs a hug, give one
When he wants to play drums, tell him his mom said no

@TheAlexNevil: CW: Who's the more the foolish: the fool, or the-
Me: Ted, I don't have time for this, so I'm going to slap you hard then take myself to HR.

@TheAlexNevil: I gave a man a fish. I taught a man to fish.

Fish aren't all that happy with me right now.

@TheAlexNevil: "Give me the bad news, Doc--how long have I got?"

"Your wife's procedure will be an outpatient one so unfortunately you can't go to Vegas."

@TheAlexNevil: Boss: What are you doing here on a Saturday??
Me (eating leftovers from fridge): ...reports.

@TheAlexNevil: Me: It's time for your nap.
6: I don't wanna take a nap!!
M: First off, don't talk back to me. Second, I was talking to me.

@TheAlexNevil: Treat her like a princess & she'll love you forever.
Unless she's an actual princess. Then she'll just think "I'm being treated normally."