@TheAlexNevil: Star Wars (1st draft)
Obi Wan: These aren't the droids you're looking for
Stormtrooper: Yes they are
OW: No they're nooot
S: Uh YAH they are
@TheAlexNevil: There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.
@TheAlexNevil: Parenting is a mix of having no idea what your child is talking about and hoping to god they don’t start explaining it.
@TheAlexNevil: “Please use handrail. Or you know what? Go on, break your neck because you didn’t use the handrail just to spite me.”
-if my mom had been the recorded voice at the airport
@TheAlexNevil: Anyone can be a hero:
Make a child smile
Rescue a kitten from a tree
Reverse Earth’s rotation to prevent an earthquake from killing your girlfriend
@TheAlexNevil: First rule of camping: bring the kind of toilet paper that won’t attract animated bears.