Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheSadnesses's best tweets

@TheSadnesses : if I am elected governor I will eat your pillow while you sleep and unlike my opponent I will also do it if I am not elected

@TheSadnesses: [first date]
“So… you didn’t mention that you’re trapped in 230 million year old amber.”
[my motionless eyes glint within my golden shell]

@TheSadnesses: [elevator]
“Wanna buy a spoon?”
Huh, no, why?
[elevator slowly fills with pudding]
[opens briefcase filled with spoons]
[sheepishly] Yes.