Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheTalkingPipe's best tweets

@TheTalkingPipe : I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.

@TheTalkingPipe: This beautiful woman is winking at me right now. Now she's using the other eye. Oh never mind. She's falling asleep.

@TheTalkingPipe: If attacked by a bear you should play dead. If that doesn't work play "Total Eclipse Of The Heart". Bears love that song.

@TheTalkingPipe: My way or the highway. It takes two to tango. What I'm saying is, "welcome to idiom club". Now, let's cut to the chase.

@TheTalkingPipe: Don't care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you're male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.

@TheTalkingPipe: I didn't know how to put this gently so I drew you a picture. That's you. Now, see the guy choking you? That's me.

@TheTalkingPipe: The milk in my fridge went bad. It beat up my orange juice and started selling meth to all the condiments.

@TheTalkingPipe: The "I got your nose" game is fun to play with kids, but try it on the pharmacist at Target & she'll call security.

@TheTalkingPipe: They say it's the journey that matters and not the destination, which is good because I've no clue where I'm going.

@TheTalkingPipe: I read you can have a stroke without displaying any symptoms and I was like "holy shit, I'm definitely not displaying any symptoms!"