Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Thee1_4U's best tweets

@Thee1_4U : Having kids isn't that bad, just don't have like the really young ones.

@Thee1_4U: Everybody is complaining about their significant other, and I'm over here trying to keep mine charged above 10%.

@Thee1_4U: How to win an argument with a woman:

1. Too late, you're already wrong.

@Thee1_4U: I only drink to forget that my 4 year old daughter has an iPad Touch and I have to ask for her help when it's my turn to play on it.

@Thee1_4U: The snow in the front yard is melting and so far I've found 3 unopened beers.

*Adds party planner to résumé*

@Thee1_4U: Well well well, if it isn't the guy who hired me looking over my shoulder, watching me stare at my phone... Brb.

@Thee1_4U: My daughter just said that I'm the best dad she's ever had. So I got that going for me.

@Thee1_4U: Damn girl, are you a jar of pickles? Because I think I NEED to bang you on my kitchen counter.

@Thee1_4U: Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I've been one for 30 some years now.