Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Tmoney68's best tweets

@Tmoney68 : [Hunting Robots] Me: You a robot? Robot: Would a robot read this? *shows me copy of Totally Not A Robot magazine* M: Hm. That checks out.

@Tmoney68: [Parker Brothers Meeting: 1903]

Boss: We need a tedious game that will last for hours & tear families apart.

And Monopoly was born.

@Tmoney68: [Job Interview]

Boss: What's your biggest weakness?

Me: *pulls laminated card out & hands it to him*

Card: "My over-preparedness."

@Tmoney68: I'll bet crowds were super disappointed every time Abraham Lincoln took the stage & didn't pull a rabbit out of that hat.

@Tmoney68: Led Zeppelin's "In My Time Of Dying" is my favorite song about a man with a touch of a cold.

@Tmoney68: Spice up your boring roofing job by wearing roller skates.

@Tmoney68: Her: I'm really into eating clean.

Me: (trying to impress her) I also use many napkins.

@Tmoney68: Hi, I'm Tony. Voted "Most Likely To Become A Time Traveler" by the class of 2042.

@Tmoney68: Why don't those badass UFC guys use their fighting skills to defend themselves against terrible tattoo artists?

@Tmoney68: "The cat spilled water. Don't worry, your coloring book's fine" isn't a thing my gf thought she'd ever say to a grown man, but here we are.