@Tmoney68: [Parker Brothers Meeting: 1903]
Boss: We need a tedious game that will last for hours & tear families apart.
And Monopoly was born.
@Tmoney68: [Job Interview]
Boss: What's your biggest weakness?
Me: *pulls laminated card out & hands it to him*
Card: "My over-preparedness."
@Tmoney68: I'll bet crowds were super disappointed every time Abraham Lincoln took the stage & didn't pull a rabbit out of that hat.
@Tmoney68: Led Zeppelin's "In My Time Of Dying" is my favorite song about a man with a touch of a cold.
@Tmoney68: Her: I'm really into eating clean.
Me: (trying to impress her) I also use many napkins.
@Tmoney68: Hi, I'm Tony. Voted "Most Likely To Become A Time Traveler" by the class of 2042.
@Tmoney68: Why don't those badass UFC guys use their fighting skills to defend themselves against terrible tattoo artists?
@Tmoney68: "The cat spilled water. Don't worry, your coloring book's fine" isn't a thing my gf thought she'd ever say to a grown man, but here we are.