Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Tylerosis's best tweets

@Tylerosis : I never picked my nose. I was born with it.

@Tylerosis: There's only two types of people in the world; people who think they can categorize everything, and people who are not morons.

@Tylerosis: When you have this song stuck in your head, is it just your mind playing tracks on you?

@Tylerosis: I say I want a gf but I don't even know what I'd do with one. Do you just kiss her and leave her alone in a corner? How often does it eat?

@Tylerosis: What if bananas turn black and bruised because they run their own fight club when we're not around?

@Tylerosis: I don't get laid on Saturdays. The last two words were unnecessary.

@Tylerosis: Let's do something we both know we'll regret in the morning. Let's order KFC for dinner.

@Tylerosis: Facebook is where you'll find people sharing screenshots of sarcastic tweets and commenting "stupid".

@Tylerosis: Cop: Anything you say can and will be held against you.
Me: SCARLETT JOHANSSON

@Tylerosis: "I love you."
"I love you, two."
Because multiple personality disorder.