@WhatevaConc: [At the register]
"Find everything ok?"
"No I figured I'd get in line, pay for just a few things, then start the process all over again."
@WhatevaConc: The word résumé has fireworks coming out of it to help with the pronunciation yet we're left to fend for ourselves with colonel?
@WhatevaConc: Before saying anything like "you have really soft hands for a man", just be like so goddamned sure they're a man.
@WhatevaConc: If I see you wearing those toe shoes, I will call the police and give them your description every time a crime is reported on the news.
@WhatevaConc: When complaining of a stomach ache, you don't really need to point to it or pat it gently. People pretty much know where the stomach is.
@WhatevaConc: Make it awkward today by asking people what they did for Valentine's Day.
When they answer "dinner", you should say "no...after that".
@WhatevaConc: If you're wearing sunglasses & it's not at all sunny out, you can't get offended when I grab your arm to guide you safely across the street.
@WhatevaConc: Stellar hiring process HR. The new lady broke into song when being introduced to me. I give it 2 days before her first cat-related meltdown.