Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of WilliamAder's best tweets

@WilliamAder : No one takes their job more seriously than the guy that glues down the start of the toilet paper roll.

@WilliamAder: The gym I never go to closed, so now I'll have to not go to a different one.

@WilliamAder: Found a box of photos in the closet, one of which was me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was over six months ago.

@WilliamAder: My cat didn't get me a Father's Day card and things are a little tense around here right now.

@WilliamAder: We could all chip in, buy Rolling Stone magazine, and take turns being on the cover.

@WilliamAder: If you're getting serious about someone, check what number their toaster is set on, because that's what you're going to be living with.

@WilliamAder: Her: You're really rockin' those white pants.

Me: These are my legs.

@WilliamAder: If you're in a revolving door with me, know that I'm only pretending to push.

@WilliamAder: My book group read "Ventriloquism for Dummies" this month. We met in the living room, but it sounded like we were in the kitchen.

@WilliamAder: Me: Alexa, tell me about your new privacy policy.

Alexa: Your next door neighbor said you guys were hillbillies.