Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of WilliamAder's best tweets

@WilliamAder : It's not a coincidence that so many blues songs start with "Woke up this morning..."

@WilliamAder: Nurse at the doctor's office took my blood pressure, and I swear she was one pump away from hearing my safe word.

@WilliamAder: The time to worry is when Alexa stops laughing.

@WilliamAder: Got rid of all those dangerous Tide pods when I gave them away on Halloween.

@WilliamAder: Yesterday was the shortest day of the year until I read your blog.

@WilliamAder: Sorry my emotional support panther ate your emotional support peacock.

@WilliamAder: "Grammies" is a shortening of "gramophones." Now that most people listen to music on their smartphones, the awards should probably be called (and I love this) "Phonies."

@WilliamAder: Scientists discovered the largest prime number yet (23 million digits) when it was given to them as the confirmation number after a customer service call with their internet provider.

@WilliamAder: *Moves manger so the baby Jesus can watch Die Hard*

@WilliamAder: Remembered there were pudding cups in the fridge, so I walked faster than usual to the kitchen and now I know what a "runner's high" is.