Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of WilliamAder's best tweets

@WilliamAder : "We're gonna need more chalk." - detective who discovers my body

@WilliamAder: Hung my Christmas lights on the house across the street so I can see them.

@WilliamAder: Hearing aid salesman: You'll be able to hear everything people say.
Me: Hard pass.

@WilliamAder: Pharmacist: How can I help you?
Me: I'd like to see a menu.

@WilliamAder: Spending the day removing $1.6 billion worth of stuff from my Amazon shopping cart.

@WilliamAder: Million dollar idea: Orange Tupperware for spaghetti sauce.

@WilliamAder: HR: You can't wear a bathrobe on Casual Friday.
Me: *Removes robe*
HR: PUT THAT BACK ON!
Me: Make up your mind.

@WilliamAder: No one takes their job more seriously than the guy that glues down the start of the toilet paper roll.

@WilliamAder: The gym I never go to closed, so now I'll have to not go to a different one.

@WilliamAder: Found a box of photos in the closet, one of which was me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was over six months ago.