@WilliamAder: Hearing aid salesman: You'll be able to hear everything people say.
Me: Hard pass.
@WilliamAder: Spending the day removing $1.6 billion worth of stuff from my Amazon shopping cart.
@WilliamAder: HR: You can't wear a bathrobe on Casual Friday.
Me: *Removes robe*
HR: PUT THAT BACK ON!
Me: Make up your mind.
@WilliamAder: No one takes their job more seriously than the guy that glues down the start of the toilet paper roll.
@WilliamAder: The gym I never go to closed, so now I'll have to not go to a different one.
@WilliamAder: Found a box of photos in the closet, one of which was me sitting on Santa's lap. Hard to believe that was over six months ago.