Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Wine_Honey1's best tweets

@Wine_Honey1 : You said No DMs, but you didn't say anything about stopping by. Anyways I'm at the door.

@Wine_Honey1: I hate it when someone makes plans with me but they haven’t called to cancel, so I have to do it.

@Wine_Honey1: My boss said that we could go outside during the solar eclipse, but no time limit was given

*takes 8 hour lunch break
*raids liquor store

@Wine_Honey1: I'm broke so everyone's just getting gifs for Christmas.

@Wine_Honey1: These people act like they've never seen anyone collect change from the bottom of a fountain & stuff it in their bra to buy more liquor.

@Wine_Honey1: These people act like they're never seen a naked store mannequin, holding a wine glass, sitting on someone's front porch before.

@Wine_Honey1: Note to self: Don't get so drunk and try to ride the zoo animals, no matter how friendly they are.

@Wine_Honey1: Pro tip: If you smear your lipstick all over your face like the Joker, people won't talk to you.

@Wine_Honey1: If you ever come home and I'm in your house naked, I'm not stalking you. I just needed to borrow your wine opener, mine broke.

@Wine_Honey1: When placing an order online for a baby shower cake, make sure you're not half asleep.

COPULATIONS! IT'S A BOY just confuses everyone.