Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@alispagnola: There are many different theories about why humans even need to sleep but I'm pretty sure it's to charge our phones.
@alispagnola: I asked my friend what keeps her up at night. She answered, "helium." Also, my friend is a balloon.
@alispagnola: What happens when you retweet a compliment about how humble you are?
@alispagnola: Facebook definitely needs to change their name. Pretty sure books aren't supposed to make you dumber.
@alispagnola: Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you're better off staying home with no pants on.