Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of bacon_gillepic's best tweets

@bacon_gillepic : I’m a go getter And right now I’m a go getter nap

@bacon_gillepic: Y’all keep saying Columbus was a bad dude and he shouldn’t had a day, but y’all need to shut up because I like getting mattresses on sale

@bacon_gillepic: What if archeologists just matched the wrong bones and the t-Rex actually had super long arms

@bacon_gillepic: Plot twist a clown family hired a normal guy for their kids birthday party

@bacon_gillepic: All women are technically bodybuilders if they get pregnant

@bacon_gillepic: A client on the phone accidentally said they love me before they hung up

Not gonna lie it felt good

@bacon_gillepic: Person: you only live once

Me: that is the best news I've heard all day

@bacon_gillepic: Stuffs more popcorn in my face*

Why don't bad guys in movies just paint the red wire green?

@bacon_gillepic: Me: Your cat looks pregnant
Friend: Impossible it's an indoor cat
Me: What have you done

@bacon_gillepic: Puts cardboard cutout of myself at my desk a week ago*

Receives check*

Dang I just got a raise