Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of bazecraze's best tweets

@bazecraze : The whole purpose of travel is to return home and discover what your house actually smells like.

@bazecraze: A National Treasure where Nicholas Cage has to find the model number on a 15 year old dishwasher.

@bazecraze: Donald Trump was born when someone put a pinkie ring in a bag of Cheetos and left it in a lightning storm.

@bazecraze: I'm gonna create chaos in my neighborhood by putting giant bows on all the cars the night before Christmas.

@bazecraze: "Long story short" makes your story three words longer.

@bazecraze: Morpheus: "You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and--"
Me: "Blue pill."

@bazecraze: Are you a cat person or a person person?

@bazecraze: I see you're busy. I'll come back and ruin your free time.

@bazecraze: "Space heater" is a pretty ambitious name. How about "shin warmer?"

@bazecraze: Put your family down and pay attention to your phone.