Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of better_off_dad's best tweets

@better_off_dad : I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing...

@better_off_dad: I hate when people talk down to me like I don’t already know I’m an idiot.

@better_off_dad: ‘Don’t you ever wonder why I don’t pick up?’

~my voicemail greeting

@better_off_dad: Sarcasm is like chocolate...

...technically you can live without it - but why?

@better_off_dad: ‘Take this and your life will suck differently.’

~ pharmaceutical ads

@better_off_dad: *licks lips*
*makes eye contact*
‘You gonna eat that wing?’

@better_off_dad: Me: I need to lose some weight.

Fries: Let’s do it together.