@better_off_dad: *at confessional*
Priest: 'Really? For a Klondike Bar??'
Me: 'I know...it's pretty sick.’
@better_off_dad: [at park, walking puppy]
Stranger: ‘Aww such a cutie...how old?’
Me: *blushing* ‘Thank you. 44.’
@better_off_dad: The best part about being over 40 is discovering all the new regions of your body that can support hair life.
@better_off_dad: I’ve got moves like Jagger, too...
...so far all it’s gotten me is unnecessary medical attention.
@better_off_dad: If you really want to know how someone feels about you, try licking their face.
@better_off_dad: The clearest evidence that I’ve gone insane is the fact that I pay monthly for a land line.