Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of bmarked21's best tweets

@bmarked21 : My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.

@bmarked21: From now on when people forcefully show me pictures of their baby, I'm simply going to reply, "Hmm... I've seen better."

@bmarked21: Hey girls: FYI, if you tilt the camera up just a wee bit higher you can actually get your face in the picture.

@bmarked21: It was nice of Microsoft to put their name on Excel after satan created it.

@bmarked21: So the suicide hotline is only for prevention and not for nominating people who should kill themselves. Sucks. I made a list and everything.

@bmarked21: Babies are instinctual swimmers like puppies, right? Kind of need an answer quickly.

@bmarked21: If stealing office supplies were an Olympic sport, they'd test me for steroids.

@bmarked21: Don't expect me to tweet between 8 & 9 pm because that's when I dress like Madonna for an hour and dance provocatively in front of my pets.