@caliluvgirl77: [tightening roller skates]
"stop worrying about me mom, I'm in a very dangerous gang, but we are really fast"
@caliluvgirl77: If I wasn't supposed to drink alcohol with NyQuil, then why did it come with a shot glass?
@caliluvgirl77: coworker: did you hear someone used all the charity money to buy snacks from the vending machine
me: *laughing nervously* that's awful
@caliluvgirl77: I can't have a boyfriend because my clean laundry goes on the other side of my bed.
@caliluvgirl77: 1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours
2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money
@caliluvgirl77: How old do I look?
Aww, you deserve ice crea-
9yo: Just like grandma
-m but too bad you're not getting any
@caliluvgirl77: Columbus: SO THIS IS INDIA
Natives: actually it's no-
C: HI INDIANS
N: no see, we are nowhere near-
C: INDIA IS FUN LETS EAT YOUR FOOD
@caliluvgirl77: If you slowly put your fingers in someone's mouth, they will quit telling you about their day at work.