Funny Tweeter

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Page of caliluvgirl77's best tweets

@caliluvgirl77 : him: I'm so sick of you just agreeing with everything I say me: same

@caliluvgirl77: If I wasn't supposed to drink alcohol with NyQuil, then why did it come with a shot glass?

@caliluvgirl77: coworker: did you hear someone used all the charity money to buy snacks from the vending machine

me: *laughing nervously* that's awful

@caliluvgirl77: I can't have a boyfriend because my clean laundry goes on the other side of my bed.

@caliluvgirl77: 1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours

2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money

@caliluvgirl77: How old do I look?

9yo: 30

Aww, you deserve ice crea-

9yo: Just like grandma

-m but too bad you're not getting any

@caliluvgirl77: Columbus: SO THIS IS INDIA

Natives: actually it's no-

C: HI INDIANS

N: no see, we are nowhere near-

C: INDIA IS FUN LETS EAT YOUR FOOD

@caliluvgirl77: If you slowly put your fingers in someone's mouth, they will quit telling you about their day at work.

@caliluvgirl77: What do we want?
SOME GOOD DECISIONS!

When do we want them?
BEFORE LAST NIGHT!

@caliluvgirl77: [introducing myself to new boyfriends parents]

"Hi, I usually don't make it this far"