Funny Tweeter

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Page of candace_9871's best tweets

@candace_9871 : Yah I ordered a large pizza but it's thin crust/ light cheese so basically it's a salad .

@candace_9871: I hope I never have to produce an alibi...cause eating salsa in bed with my cat every night would never hold up in court.

@candace_9871: Boss approaches, I frantically close my google image search of cats hugging, only to show a new window of cats in formal wear. I get fired.

@candace_9871: It's like my Mom used to say, always keep a positive pregnancy test around in case you need to ruin a man's life.