Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of cloudypianos's best tweets

@cloudypianos : i wonder what my cat is thinking about when she sits curled up at my feet staring at me for hours and sharpening her hattori hanzo sword

@cloudypianos: what if all your eggs hatched and when u opened the fridge a dozen baby chicks were staring up at u like u were their mom

@cloudypianos: people say Einstein dropped out of school and still was a genius but he didn't drop out to drink fireball and start a band this is important

@cloudypianos: I like talking to bartenders because they can't go anywhere.

@cloudypianos: *lady shares a wallet photo of her son*
*i pull out a 20-part accordion wallet photo set of my dogs*

@cloudypianos: me: I want to travel to the victorian era & meet a real gentleman [takes time machine back to 1860 England]
man: 31? what are u my grandma?

@cloudypianos: "someday this will all be yours" I say to my dogs, waving my arms wildly across a half empty plate of mexican food

@cloudypianos: Obama: Please don't talk to me until I've had my morning cup of Joe.

Joe: no please no more.

Obama: shut up Joe. *takes a sip of Joe*

@cloudypianos: everything in the world's horrible now not like the good old days of black plague, holocaust, atomic bombs, holodomor, khmer rouge, crusades