Funny Tweeter

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Page of decentbirthday's best tweets

@decentbirthday : [2025] student: can i go to the bathroom teacher: *slams revolver on desk* i don't know, can you

@decentbirthday: me: i have test anxiety

classmate: it's okay, jesus has answers

jesus: *descending from sky* the first three are all D

@decentbirthday: [assigning roles]

god: the sun shall fuel all life on earth

sun: sounds good

god: and the moon shall make tiny waves and werewolves

moon: hell yes

@decentbirthday: cop: way to go, mystery inc., you've caught yet another monster

shaggy: no problem

cop: lets celebrate by eating those brownies we saw in the mystery machine

shaggy: haha lets not do that

@decentbirthday: Some lady just wrong-number texted me so I tried being funny but I think I scared her off from going to brunch

@decentbirthday: friend: they say pennywise takes form of your greatest fear


tv: the big bang theory marathon starts now!

me: holy shit it's him

@decentbirthday: guy: excuse me, can you jump my car

me: *tying shoes* probably how tall is it

guy: no like-

me: *handing phone* take a video

@decentbirthday: judge: we hereby find you guilty of parrot smuggling

me: this is bullshit

*from jacket* this is bullshit

@decentbirthday: Jodie from HR: Through god, all things are possible

Me: Okay do a kickflip

Jodie: What

Me: Do a double kickflip right now