Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of donni's best tweets

@donni : Can’t believe I have to spend the rest of my life living the rest of my life

@donni: It’s the freakin’ weekend, baby, I’m about to cancel some plans

@donni: ME: So what's happening today
NEWS: *incoherent screaming*

@donni: Give a man a fish. Sure, why not? Go around giving strangers weird fish gifts. Who cares

@donni: ME: Can I have the job please
INTERVIEWER: I meant, like, questions ABOUT the job
ME: Ah, yes. About the job: Can I have it

@donni: Smile for the camera. Laugh for the pencil sharpener. Dance for the refrigerator

@donni: Strawberry is a terrible name. "Ooh, a berry with all the flavor of a straw," you'd think. But you'd be wrong

@donni: Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

@donni: A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages

@donni: Most drug-sniffing dogs refuse to admit they have a problem