Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of donni's best tweets

@donni : Music is a scam. You can listen to all kinds of other noises for free

@donni: If I die, please avenge me. If it's an accidental death, just go nuts on whoever.

@donni: Can’t believe I have to spend the rest of my life living the rest of my life

@donni: It’s the freakin’ weekend, baby, I’m about to cancel some plans

@donni: ME: So what's happening today
NEWS: *incoherent screaming*

@donni: Give a man a fish. Sure, why not? Go around giving strangers weird fish gifts. Who cares

@donni: ME: Can I have the job please
INTERVIEWER: I meant, like, questions ABOUT the job
ME: Ah, yes. About the job: Can I have it

@donni: Smile for the camera. Laugh for the pencil sharpener. Dance for the refrigerator

@donni: Strawberry is a terrible name. "Ooh, a berry with all the flavor of a straw," you'd think. But you'd be wrong

@donni: Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.