Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of donni's best tweets

@donni : ME: Can I have the job please INTERVIEWER: I meant, like, questions ABOUT the job ME: Ah, yes. About the job: Can I have it

@donni: Smile for the camera. Laugh for the pencil sharpener. Dance for the refrigerator

@donni: Strawberry is a terrible name. "Ooh, a berry with all the flavor of a straw," you'd think. But you'd be wrong

@donni: Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

@donni: A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages

@donni: Most drug-sniffing dogs refuse to admit they have a problem

@donni: Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.

@donni: MAYOR: I now present you a key to the city
ME: So long, suckers!
*hops in city and drives away*
MAYOR: Come back! I need that for work!

@donni: Actions speak louder than birds (except for parrots)

@donni: YOU: Please be aware--
ME: I'm not. I never will be. I've never even SEEN a "ware"