Funny Tweeter

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Page of dorkwing_duck's best tweets

@dorkwing_duck : Fox Mulder, age 6: *looks under pillow* MOM! IT DISAPPEARED! Mom: the Tooth Fairy took it, dear Fox: you mean... the tooth is out there?

@dorkwing_duck: [PRESS CONFERENCE]

Me: I'm going on the record. Yes, I'd go back in time to kill a baby

Reporter: you mean Baby Hitler?

Me: sure, whoever

@dorkwing_duck: Me: how long are you gonna sit there picking your nose? I tried to be polite but this is absurd

Potato Head: I want to look good on my date

@dorkwing_duck: Young God: ok, a little hydrogen and-
*chemistry set explodes*

Mom: what was that?!

God: nothing! *scoops resulting universe into shoebox*

@dorkwing_duck: The scene where Indiana Jones swaps the bags and runs from a boulder but it's me trying to eat a cookie without my kid seeing me