Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of electrolemon's best tweets

@electrolemon : i know this website has poisoned my brain because an earthquake just shook my bedroom, and mid-quake my very first thought was “oh boy, here come the tweets”

@electrolemon: howdy. i’m a sheriff in this here movie or show. and if i see somethin startlin? well... best believe i’m takin my hat off at it. real slow

@electrolemon: aruba, jamaica / oooh, i wanna take ya
atlanta, las vegas/ uhhh that's lots of places
vienna, then florence/ baaabe i can't afford this

@electrolemon: everyone i ever dated is impressed when i namedrop foreign authors but never bothers to check if they're just ikea product names (they are)

@electrolemon: To some, it's known as "soda." Some call it "pop." Some even order it as "coke" or "cola." The spicy bubble brown juice goes by many names

@electrolemon: independence day 2 has been out in the US for mere hours and it has already been upstaged by a somehow even worse independence day overseas

@electrolemon: this harriet tubman news is gonna make it super awkward every time i purchase slaves in cash

@electrolemon: a cute girl stopped behind my laptop as I was full screen on a pic of bread and I didn't know what to say so I stammered out "I like bread"

@electrolemon: i wanna see the masterchef jr deleted scenes that HAVE to exist of gordon ramsay calling a kid the c-word for trying to julienne a snickers

@electrolemon: yesterday at the mall a woman asked for my opinion between two men's shirts and immediately went to check out with the one i didn't choose