Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fillthevacuum's best tweets

@fillthevacuum : Oh, those stick figures on your car aren't for the bike riders you hit? *removes 14 stick figures from car*

@fillthevacuum: *steals all the clocks*

*has all the time in the world*

@fillthevacuum: *rides off into the sunset*

*rides back to get SPF 50 sunblock*

*rides off into the sunset*

@fillthevacuum: *seductively removes toilet paper from bottom of shoe*

@fillthevacuum: "The plot thickens" I say as I switch to heavier graph paper.

@fillthevacuum: Please be the blood from a horse's head

Please be the blood from a horse's head

Please be the blo...

Nope, just peed the bed again

@fillthevacuum: Hey girl, heaven must be missing an angel....cause it looks like you ate one

@fillthevacuum: The vegetable crisper or as I call it, the cold garbage can.