Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fro_vo's best tweets

@fro_vo : Me: who called it a prison cell air duct instead of a convent Nun: that's not funny Escaped Prisoner (hiding in the air duct): it kinda is

@fro_vo: Microwave:
Me: *waves back*

@fro_vo: Snap: i'm snap
Crackle: i'm crackle
Dad: hi snap and crackle i'm pop

@fro_vo: [first date]
Me: why isn't a boy ant called an uncle
Date: why isn't a girl praying mantis called a praying womantis
*we do it right there*

@fro_vo: [gettysburg]
Abraham Lincoln: four score and seven years ago-
Me: wtf does that mean
Abraham Lincoln: 87
Me: say 87 then

@fro_vo: [god creating the beetle]
what if a bee and a turtle had sex

@fro_vo: Me: trump keeps obfuscating the truth
Wife: i see you learned a new word
Me: i obfuscately did
Me: what are we obfuscating for dinner

@fro_vo: Dr: well i have good news and bad news
Me: give me the bad news
Dr: you have cancer
Me: what's the good news
Dr: i don't

@fro_vo: Friend: your fly is open
Me: yeah i know
Fly: it's true i'll try just about anything

@fro_vo: [cruise]
Me: boats freak me out
Wife: listen to some music
M: how
W: there’s a band on ship
M: a what
W: a band on ship
M: *jumps overboard*