Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fro_vo's best tweets

@fro_vo : Jim Carrey: (doing standup) who here is left handed Audience: Jim Carrey: all righty then

@fro_vo: [pulled over]
Dog Cop: you ran a gray light
Dog Driver: but it was still gray when i went through the intersection
Dog Cop: no it was gray

@fro_vo: FRIEND: it's saturday! you know what that means...
ME: hell yeah baby *secretly googles what does saturday mean*

@fro_vo: me: if dracula bit jesus would he get drunk
priest: i’m going to have to check with the vatican and get back to you

@fro_vo: *watching the discovery channel* this isn’t very disco

@fro_vo: Date: i love cats
Me: [trying to impress] *slowly pushes her plate off the table*

@fro_vo: Pronouns:
He
She
It
You
We
They

Amateurnouns:
Whoozits
Whatsername
Thingamajig
*vague pointing*
Whatchamacallit
Dudes

@fro_vo: CUSTOMER SERVICE: is there anything else i can do for you

ME: you’ve been very helpful, can i have your name

CS: sure, it’s janice

JANICE: thank you

: you’re welcome

@fro_vo: Mary: I'm pregnant
Joseph: but how you're a virgin
Mary: oh god
Joseph: okay makes sense

@fro_vo: [first day as a 911 operator]
me: nine hundred and eleven what is your emergency