Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fro_vo's best tweets

@fro_vo : FLIGHT ATTENDANT: attention passengers is anyone here a doctor PASSENGERS: sorry no FLIGHT ATTENDANT: um ok then is anyone here a pilot

@fro_vo: Me [at the stove for 14 hours]: well it's true, a watched pot never boils
Wife: you're supposed to put water in it

@fro_vo: *burger king manager pulls me aside on my first day working there* when they say hold the pickle you don’t have to physically hold it

@fro_vo: [first date]
ME: so which movie do you think will win the oscar
DATE: Get Out
ME: *leaves*

@fro_vo: Optimist: the glass is half full
Pessimist: everything is dying

@fro_vo: mike tyson's full name is mike thank you son

@fro_vo: Good Cop: why is your baby crying
Mom: he just won't take a nap
Pun Cop: looks like he's
Good Cop: if u say resisting a rest i swear to god

@fro_vo: FLIGHT ATTENDANT: sir we're going to have to ask you to leave
ME: but they are my emotional support bees

@fro_vo: Me: *shoots gun*
Cop: you're under arrest for murdering a gun

@fro_vo: MAGICIAN: i will now make my assistant disappear
ASSISTANT: *covers eyes with hands*
AUDIENCE FULL OF BABIES: *gasp with wonder and delight*