Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fro_vo's best tweets

@fro_vo : Good Cop: why is your baby crying Mom: he just won't take a nap Pun Cop: looks like he's Good Cop: if u say resisting a rest i swear to god

@fro_vo: FLIGHT ATTENDANT: sir we're going to have to ask you to leave
ME: but they are my emotional support bees

@fro_vo: Me: *shoots gun*
Cop: you're under arrest for murdering a gun

@fro_vo: MAGICIAN: i will now make my assistant disappear
ASSISTANT: *covers eyes with hands*
AUDIENCE FULL OF BABIES: *gasp with wonder and delight*

@fro_vo: KID: can i eat a tide pod
MOM: no
KID: this is bullshit
MOM: don’t use foul language go wash your mouth out with soap this instant

@fro_vo: ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery

@fro_vo: [dollar store]
ME: how much are your dollars
CLERK: a dollar
ME: okay I’ll take one dollar
CLERK: that’ll be one dollar
ME: thanks
CLERK: have a nice day

@fro_vo: [rhyme factory]
BOSS: get cracking on those words that rhyme with “ow”
WORKER: yes sir
bow
cow
dow
how
*boss looks away*
low
mow
*boss looks back*
now
pow
*boss looks away again*
row
sow
tow
*boss looks back*
vow
wow

@fro_vo: if you like christmas so much why don't you merry it

@fro_vo: [first date]
ME: are you having fun
DATE: yes i am
ME: *hands menu back to waiter* i will also have the fun