Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fro_vo's best tweets

@fro_vo : UBER DRIVER: it gets dark so early now ME: please open your eyes

@fro_vo: ME: *whispering to date as symphony orchestra begins playing beethoven's 5th* can you believe a dog wrote this

@fro_vo: ME: wow nice costume
COP: step out of the car sir

@fro_vo: *lets out a blood curdling scream* HELP MY BLOOD IS CURDLING

@fro_vo: HOPE: why did you name me Hope
MOM: you were our hope for the future
DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SAVE A LOVELESS MARRIAGE: what about me
MOM: same

@fro_vo: Angel: welcome to heaven
Me: holy shit
Angel: ooh you swore get out
Devil: welcome to hell
Me: holy shit
Devil: ugh u said holy get out

@fro_vo: imagine not being able to use your imagination.

wrong

@fro_vo: [romantic walk]
Me: *turns to date* darling
Her: *gasps*
Me: *gets down on one knee* will you
Her: omg
Me: protest racial inequality with me

@fro_vo: Me: I don’t know what to do on my date
Friend: show her some local culture

[later]

Date: hi
Me: *holds out hands* look at this yogurt

@fro_vo: i catch her eye from across the room
she smiles
i make my way thru the crowd
we meet
"hi"
hi
"here's your eye back"
thanks nice catch