Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fro_vo's best tweets

@fro_vo : Pronouns: He She It You We They Amateurnouns: Whoozits Whatsername Thingamajig *vague pointing* Whatchamacallit Dudes

@fro_vo: CUSTOMER SERVICE: is there anything else i can do for you

ME: you’ve been very helpful, can i have your name

CS: sure, it’s janice

JANICE: thank you

: you’re welcome

@fro_vo: Mary: I'm pregnant
Joseph: but how you're a virgin
Mary: oh god
Joseph: okay makes sense

@fro_vo: [first day as a 911 operator]
me: nine hundred and eleven what is your emergency

@fro_vo: GOLDFISH: hi dog

DOG: hi grayfish

GOLDFISH: hi dog

DOG: u said that already

GOLDFISH: said what

@fro_vo: TOP 5 USES FOR APPLES:

1. creating sin
2. inventing gravity
3. keeping doctors away
4. shooting off of a child’s head
5. pie

@fro_vo: [alternate world with no bees]
SCIENTIST: all the flowers are dying
ME: *takes a ite of a uritto* wow that’s a ummer

@fro_vo: WAITER: what else can i get you
ME: nothing thanks
WAITER: okay I’ll get the check
ME: *balls fists* what did i just say

@fro_vo: Me: so what do you do
Date: i'm a pharmacist
Me: so farm assist like milking cows
Date: no like drugs
Me: oh
Date:
Me: how do u milk drugs

@fro_vo: SHEEP: okay you're in charge of keeping the flock together
ME: what
SHEEP: you herd me