Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fro_vo's best tweets

@fro_vo : [alternate world with no bees] SCIENTIST: all the flowers are dying ME: *takes a ite of a uritto* wow that’s a ummer

@fro_vo: WAITER: what else can i get you
ME: nothing thanks
WAITER: okay I’ll get the check
ME: *balls fists* what did i just say

@fro_vo: Me: so what do you do
Date: i'm a pharmacist
Me: so farm assist like milking cows
Date: no like drugs
Me: oh
Me: how do u milk drugs

@fro_vo: SHEEP: okay you're in charge of keeping the flock together
ME: what
SHEEP: you herd me

@fro_vo: [restaurant]
ME: this chicken fried steak is terrible
WAITER: that’s probably because it was fried by a chicken

@fro_vo: ISAAC NEWTON: i have just discovered gravity
EVERYONE ELSE: hey how come i can't float around anymore

@fro_vo: the boy who cried wolf would be a way cooler story if actual wolves came out of his eyes

@fro_vo: CASHIER: have a nice day
ME: how

@fro_vo: [afterlife]
ME: is this heaven or hell
SPIRIT: idk why don’t you bing it
ME: oh noooooo

@fro_vo: [forest]
ME: omg there’s a wolf
WIFE: where?
ME: no the regular kind