@fu_dad: Boy: Daddy can you beat a vampire?
Me: Well vampires don’t exis-
Boy: Can you beat a black hole?
Me: A black hole is-
Boy: A rhino?
Me: The thi-
Boy: A T-Rex?
Boy: Mike’s dad?
@fu_dad: • Birds suddenly appear.
• Every time you are near.
• Long to be close to you.
Conclusion: you are a statue
@fu_dad: HOT SINGLE MUMS IN YOUR AREA ARE LOOKING FOR YOU!
Oh god I hope it’s not another bake sale
@fu_dad: When I texted my dad I wanted to be a barrister he was so proud.
Years later I achieved my dream, and as I make him an Mini Java Chip Frappuccino it turns out I can’t spell and he isn’t proud.
@fu_dad: First time drinking whiskey.
Barman: And this one is 15 years old.
Me: Do you have any fresh ones?
@fu_dad: It’s my son’s 4th birthday so I volunteered to help out on his class trip to Chinatown.
If you don’t hear from me again, they won.