Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fuzzlime's best tweets

@fuzzlime : my biggest wish is that someday a bunch of people will say wow money really changed her

@fuzzlime: It's saturday night you know what *that* means? right, cleaning toilets

@fuzzlime: I once dated a guy only because he had a cool hidden safe behind a painting in the hallway he kept the spare toilet paper rolls in there

@fuzzlime: last time I passed out on a Saturday night was when I sprayed too much bleach cleaner on the tub & forgot to open a window

@fuzzlime: Men fantasize about me, women want to be me and children obey me!
[wakes up on bathroom rug]

@fuzzlime: running feels great unless you compare it to not running

@fuzzlime: *butterfly climbing out of chrysalis*
oh my god I'm turning into my mother

@fuzzlime: god I hope there's no such thing as reincarnation I'm way too tired to do this again

@fuzzlime: I'm so hungry I could eat an apple

@fuzzlime: purposely bought tall lace up boots so I'll never have to be anywhere on time again