Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of fuzzlime's best tweets

@fuzzlime : Men fantasize about me, women want to be me and children obey me! [wakes up on bathroom rug]

@fuzzlime: running feels great unless you compare it to not running

@fuzzlime: *butterfly climbing out of chrysalis*
oh my god I'm turning into my mother

@fuzzlime: god I hope there's no such thing as reincarnation I'm way too tired to do this again

@fuzzlime: I'm so hungry I could eat an apple

@fuzzlime: purposely bought tall lace up boots so I'll never have to be anywhere on time again

@fuzzlime: every coat is a fur coat when your cat sleeps on it

@fuzzlime: sometimes when I finish eating a bag of microwave popcorn I try to eat a couple unpopped kernels just to convince myself it's really over

@fuzzlime: just got vinegar in my eye so I totally get it, girls who get vinegar in their eye