i wrote my own vows *removes paper*
"chickety china the chinese chicken"
whoops wrong one *2nd paper*
"if i had $1,000,000"
@gojarbe: "and this lake shall be called Superior"
all the other Great Lakes: "k wow we're like right here"
@gojarbe: [gun goes off]
[every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]
ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway
@gojarbe: me: wanna see my cat's shed?
friend: lots of cats shed. why would--
[my cat enters wearing a tool belt]
cat: show him the gazebo, too
@gojarbe: "and this blood shall be called A+"
all the other blood types: "k wow we're like right here"
@gojarbe: [on a date]
me: what's your favorite book series about a big red dog?
her: uhh Clifford, i guess
me: wow we have a lot in common
@gojarbe: *spills water on pants*
ok don't let anyone think you peed your pants
"hey what happ--"
MY WATER BROKE, GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL