Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of handsock_butts's best tweets

@handsock_butts : [Amphibian Playground] BULLFROG: look at all u lil toad nerds TOAD: help! a BULLYfrog! TEACHER SNAKE: i'll handle this *eats everyone*

@handsock_butts: Me: I didn't get anything this year. Do you think Santa's magic...is running out?

Wife: Santa isn't real

Me: Don't lie to save my feelings

@handsock_butts: 6 year old: daddy look we've had a whirlpool in our house this whole time!

Dad: for the love of god Timmy please get out of the toilet

@handsock_butts: SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: What would you like-

ME: I'D LIKE TO CREATE A SHOW ABOUT DOGS COOKING PIZZAS

SE: -on your sub?

ME: PUPPERONI

@handsock_butts: HADES: what happens when Aphrodites hair gets frizzy?
ZEUS: don't-
HADES: i guess u could call her AFROdite
ZEUS: this is why we banished u