Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of hunz74's best tweets

@hunz74 : A scientist said that fish will evolve into "flish" & will be able to fly. Now I can't stop thinking about "flarks, flhales & flea horses."

@hunz74: My twins hate to brush their teeth. So I just convinced them that it's fun to brush someone else's teeth. Problem solved.

@hunz74: Police sketch artists are a bunch of con artists.

@hunz74: I just saw a lady jogging backwards. You go, girl...or you just went...or here you come. I don't know which direction I'm going with this.

@hunz74: My son has the worst altitude ever. He's defiant, rude and floating like six feet off the ground.

@hunz74: Owls are like scary Mr. Potato Heads that fly.

@hunz74: Change is hard, especially the nickel.

@hunz74: I just Googled "cool new rare diseases."

@hunz74: "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?"

Me: "Sometimes?"

"Are you smarter than a 16 year old?"

Me: "Always."

@hunz74: 16 Y.O. employee: "There's a dirty diaper outside. What do I do with it?"
Me: "Is there a live baby in it?"
Him: "No."
Me: "Throw it away."