Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of iamspacegirl's best tweets

@iamspacegirl : Definitely just forgot the word 'menu' and asked for a 'map of the food'.

@iamspacegirl: Dog *just lookin at me*
Me: go lay down
Dog: ok.

Cat *kneading her claws into my stomach*
Me *wincing*: thank you
Cat: damn right thank you

@iamspacegirl: friends who just got married:
We were kind of hoping you'd stick to the registry.

me *crestfallen*: you don't like the jukebox of screams?

@iamspacegirl: pros of being a jellyfish:

-gelatinous body type.
-tentacles.
-sting the shit out of anything that tries to hug you.
-low expectations.

@iamspacegirl: autocorrect: Tim!

me: No no, autocorrect, this is TOM we know him.

autocorrect*growling*: Tim.

me *spritzing phone with water*: NO.

@iamspacegirl: CAMPING

Me: I hate this. The bears freak me out.

Him: Babe don't be silly.

[later]

Bear, textin from right outside my tent at 3am: u up?

@iamspacegirl: *ring*

Mrs. Rabbit: Hello?

Mr. McGregor: Your kid's in my yard again.

Mrs. Rabbit: Oh i'm so sorry, is he-

Mr. McGregor: yea he's naked

@iamspacegirl: if squids were land animals sometimes you'd be walking along and you'd look up and BAM squid in a tree

@iamspacegirl: uh NEWS FLASH Keith ur name rhymes w/ teeth.
Yea
how do u like them apples Mouth Boy.
How do u like them apples promoting good oral hygiene

@iamspacegirl: Santa: its snowing Christmas is canceled Put everything in the garbage

Elves: no!

Rudolph: what if I told you I had a very small red light