Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of iamspacegirl's best tweets

@iamspacegirl : just found myself walking around inspecting things in my front yard with my hands clasped gently behind my back so my transition into my grandfather is nearly complete

@iamspacegirl: God *using a bear to dry his face*

Angel: OMG what are You doing?!

God *wrings it out and drops it on the ground* makin ferrets, calm down

@iamspacegirl: you *opening your front door to leave for work in the morning*

me *clinging to the screen door like a tree frog*:
I can't help but notice that you didn't you like my selfie last night

@iamspacegirl: Don't put up a tire swing unless you hunted and killed that car yourself, have some respect.

@iamspacegirl: Studies show that you were, like, way too good for him.

'Totally too good for him' says one super supportive scientist.

@iamspacegirl: Spent a pretty long time watching the cat next door lounge in the grass before I realized he was a skateboard.

@iamspacegirl: [3 days after technology lets us wear snapchat filters all the time]

me: why didn't your eyes turn into hearts when I got home today

@iamspacegirl: vampire: let me bite you

me: no!

vampire: it will be fun

me: *running away*

vampire: wait, stop! my fangs magically change color when I sip through them!

me: *noticeably slowing down*

@iamspacegirl: what if when Dracula's fangs came out they made that truck backing up noise