@iamspacegirl: God: The bones will fall out of their mouths as children to teach them that bodies are full of betrayal
Angel: So, new diet not going well?
@iamspacegirl: if chickens exchanged goods and services for a fixed price it would be called chicken tenders have a great day
@iamspacegirl: *standing over your shoulder while you read a book I recommended*
You arent laughing I usually laugh at this part why do you hate it so much
@iamspacegirl: ME *traps wasp under a cup*
MAGICIAN GHOST WHO HAUNTS ME *appears & sets down 2 more cups*
MAGICIAN GHOST *starts to shuffle them*
@iamspacegirl: [watching our kid play at the park]
ME: awww, he got your anxiety with strangers
HIM: and look, your irrational fear of birds!
@iamspacegirl: Grandpa *pulls coin from my ear*
Me: Pft. Some trick.
Grandpa *shoves coin into my ear, twists my nose, peanuts begin pouring from my face*
@iamspacegirl: My lasso of truth is just an eel I point aggressively at the people I'm questioning. We have a 100% success rate.
@iamspacegirl: My son loves lizard facts but he can't quite say 'lizard' so he randomly makes statements like "Wizards protect themselves with camouflage".