@iamspacegirl: Dog *just lookin at me*
Me: go lay down
Cat *kneading her claws into my stomach*
Me *wincing*: thank you
Cat: damn right thank you
@iamspacegirl: friends who just got married:
We were kind of hoping you'd stick to the registry.
me *crestfallen*: you don't like the jukebox of screams?
@iamspacegirl: pros of being a jellyfish:
-gelatinous body type.
-sting the shit out of anything that tries to hug you.
@iamspacegirl: autocorrect: Tim!
me: No no, autocorrect, this is TOM we know him.
me *spritzing phone with water*: NO.
Me: I hate this. The bears freak me out.
Him: Babe don't be silly.
Bear, textin from right outside my tent at 3am: u up?
Mrs. Rabbit: Hello?
Mr. McGregor: Your kid's in my yard again.
Mrs. Rabbit: Oh i'm so sorry, is he-
Mr. McGregor: yea he's naked
@iamspacegirl: if squids were land animals sometimes you'd be walking along and you'd look up and BAM squid in a tree
@iamspacegirl: uh NEWS FLASH Keith ur name rhymes w/ teeth.
how do u like them apples Mouth Boy.
How do u like them apples promoting good oral hygiene
@iamspacegirl: Santa: its snowing Christmas is canceled Put everything in the garbage
Rudolph: what if I told you I had a very small red light