Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of jessokfine's best tweets

@jessokfine : Every time I talk about milk, I clarify "not breastmilk." It's unnecessary and it makes people uncomfortable.

@jessokfine: Guys I've run some math on it and this whole Santa business is truly bananas.

@jessokfine: How did human beings express empathy before the phrase "that sucks" was coined?

@jessokfine: In today's installment of "getting absolutely wrecked by my child" I present her commentary on dinner:

"You did the best you could."

@jessokfine: I don't wear my apron because I'm never wearing clothes more expensive than the apron.

@jessokfine: If I were the tooth fairy I wouldn't leave any cash, just a note that says I'VE TAKEN YOUR TEETH

@jessokfine: Amazing that the townspeople didn't like Belle what with her waking up every day and calling them a bunch of simple idiots

@jessokfine: People always throwing cursed objects into the sea hello, no that is how you get haunted sharks

@jessokfine: Bread pudding is not a dessert. it is just wet bread. do not fall for this scam. Resist.

@jessokfine: My husband got some virtual reality goggles for christmas and so far I like them because they make him very vulnerable to attack.