Funny Tweeter

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Page of jjhartinger's best tweets

@jjhartinger : Hubs: Columbus discovered America not asking for directions so why do I. Me: He set out for India and went the wrong way. Hubs: Oh. Me: Yep.

@jjhartinger: [second date]

"April Fools"

*gets up and leaves

@jjhartinger: [Commercial for Legos]

Have you ever cursed in front of your kids? Want to?

@jjhartinger: I just spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to spell Wednesday, so I canceled the event.

@jjhartinger: 1995: [goes to store, video is rented] Maybe next time

2017: [netflix takes 5 mins to load] This is a nightmare

@jjhartinger: Some of you are acting like you got off a flight from Australia instead of losing one hour.

@jjhartinger: This new generation doesn't knock they just text to say they're outside, so I text back to say we're inside. Two can play.

@jjhartinger: [Commercial for the Pogo Stick]

Have you ever seen the inside of an E.R.? Want to?

@jjhartinger: [happy hour with friends discussing politics]

me: I'm going to keep my mouth shut.

alcohol: wanna bet.

@jjhartinger: I'm curious about the first person who saw an egg drop out of a chicken & said, "I'm going to eat that."