Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of justabloodygame's best tweets

@justabloodygame : Only as the condor bore me & my guitar away in its talons did I realize the crowd's cries of "Free Bird!" were not a request, but a warning.

@justabloodygame: *Doorbell rings*
*it's a regular kid*
"Trick or treat!"
...and what are you supposed to be?
*removes face, revealing an unending void*
HUMAN

@justabloodygame: *stops lecturing woman in white lab-coat and turns to camera*

"When my doctor first told me I was a 'mansplainer', I had a lot of answers."

@justabloodygame: Batman could have used his wealth to help Gotham's poor and disenfranchised. But no, we really needed another violent leather fetishist.

@justabloodygame: *singing scales*
Do, Re, uh...
*calls Lionel Ritchie*
"Hey"
Hello!
"What comes after Do & Re on a music scale?"
Is it Mi you're looking for?

@justabloodygame: [commercial for Facebook]
*man sits in tree, watching friends from high school through binoculars*
"Don't you wish there were a better way?"

@justabloodygame: Damn girl, are you astrophysics? Because I don't know enough about you to finish this joke.

@justabloodygame: As Caesar dies on the Senate floor, 'With or Without You' starts to play. "U2, Brutus?" He sighs, coughing wearily as the world fades away.

@justabloodygame: [Scooby & the gang catch a regular guy]
"Let's see who this ghost really is!"
No! Wait, I'm not-
[rip off face]
*gasps* "OLD MAN SKELETON?"

@justabloodygame: "Four more years! Four more years! Four more years!" The parole board chants, as I enter my hearing. This was not a good sign.