Funny Tweeter

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Page of kimlockhartga's best tweets

@kimlockhartga : Pie is superior to cake. Nobody makes a cake chart.

@kimlockhartga: 2008: Busy, trying to balance work and home life.

2018: Busy watching a video of a lemon rolling down the street.

@kimlockhartga: Brit friend: Ugh. Brexit is a disaster. How are things over there?

Me: We"re in a ketchup war with Canada.

@kimlockhartga: We need more names like Benedict Cumberbatch:

Omelet Easydozen

Florentine Pepperbatter

@kimlockhartga: Is it "butt-naked" or "buck-naked?" I want this pool party invite to be perfect.

@kimlockhartga: A guy I know was flirting with the cashier, and she ignored him. When he said "How about a thank you?" She leaned toward him, and said "It's printed on your receipt."

@kimlockhartga: At noon, we ride.*

*start the dishwasher and sort the laundry.

@kimlockhartga: I learned German so I could sound angry about everything.

@kimlockhartga: Can you imagine liking anyone well enough to go into pairs figure skating?