Funny Tweeter

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Page of krishna_van's best tweets

@krishna_van : Woke up at 6 & went for a jog before hitting the gym for an hour. Now I'm back home, making up a bunch of absolute bullshit about my morning

@krishna_van: People accuse me of never giving a damn about anyone but myself, but I distinctly remember saying 'bless you' when someone sneezed last year

@krishna_van: Our dishwasher works exceedingly well, as long as you only put clean dishes in it.

@krishna_van: Quitting the gym because it's easier, quicker and cheaper to simply invite my friends over for dinner every day and make them fatter than me

@krishna_van: "Give me a positive adjective..."
"Splendid."
"Nice. Now how about a negative adjective?"
"Splendidn't."

@krishna_van: I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find 'em.

@krishna_van: A horse, a penguin and a chimp walked into a bar and that's when I realised I was drunk.

@krishna_van: If you were forced at gunpoint to either watch '50 Shades Of Grey' or read the book, what type of gun would you prefer to be shot dead with?

@krishna_van: "Look on the bright side - at least there's more for us to drink with him gone" is, apparently, not something one should say at a wake.

@krishna_van: Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.