Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of lilgapeach30's best tweets

@lilgapeach30 : If I had a dollar for every time I heard "grow up!" I could buy a seriously awesome security system to keep doody heads out of my fort.

@lilgapeach30: Ate reduced fat cheese on low calorie bread and my taste buds had me indicted for hate crimes.

@lilgapeach30: Make fun of my footy pajamas if you must, but all you naked sleepers are gonna be up shit creek if your house catches on fire in the night.

@lilgapeach30: Guys say "never trust something that bleeds seven days and doesn't die" as if something with two heads powered by one brain is trustworthy.

@lilgapeach30: Siri just said I'm looking for love in all the wrong places so I'm tryin to figure out what happened to Siri and how my mom got in my phone.

@lilgapeach30: Daaaaamn boy. Are you an Adobe update? Cause you keep showing up and I still don't want you.

@lilgapeach30: Did you mean pacific or specific?

Cuz seriously, one is an ocean.

@lilgapeach30: Men. Can't live with 'em...can't finish this joke unless I wanna be single the rest of my life.

@lilgapeach30: If an officer asks "do you know why I pulled you over" "Because it's the only way to get girls to talk to you?" is a bad answer, apparently.

@lilgapeach30: I don't delete annoying people out of my phone. I give them new names so I know not to answer.

"Always needs a favor" is calling, decline.