Funny Tweeter

@lilgapeach30: Did you mean pacific or specific? Cuz seriously, one is an ocean.

@lilgapeach30: I don't delete annoying people out of my phone. I give them new names so I know not to answer. "Always needs a favor" is calling, decline.

@lilgapeach30: Unless life also hands you sugar and water, your lemonade is gonna suck.

@lilgapeach30: The black smoke coming from my toaster indicates a new pop tart has been selected!

@lilgapeach30: Daaaaamn boy. Are you an Adobe update? Cause you keep showing up and I still don't want you.

@lilgapeach30: Guys say "never trust something that bleeds seven days and doesn't die" as if something with two heads powered by one brain is trustworthy.

@lilgapeach30: Who the hell decided "have a happy period" was an okay thing to write on maxi pads? "NOT WORTH THE JAIL TIME" would have been more relevant.

@lilgapeach30: Oh you're a jogger? Good for you. I just burned 3000 calories in under 30 minutes. Can't believe I forgot that pizza was in the oven.

@lilgapeach30: It's like my daddy always says...if you can't beat 'em, arrange to have 'em beaten.