Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of lmegordon's best tweets

@lmegordon : My sister bought glitter for the children, so now I'm trying to add her name to a terrorist watchlist.

@lmegordon: Daughter keeps licking water off the shower floor, but she's our second kid, so we let that stuff slide.

@lmegordon: Me working 60+ hrs a week: I have 15 minutes free, so I should do 5 things.

Me unemployed: I can't take a shower in less than 8 hours.