Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of lyric_intent's best tweets

@lyric_intent : [Broken Air Conditioner] Her:*sweaty* how did the pioneers ever survive without A/C? *sweating audibly* well, they're all dead, aren't they?

@lyric_intent: The most awkward part of being the first person to write something down, was then explaining to everyone that they were now illiterate

@lyric_intent: [Bank Robbery]
Robber: KEEP YOUR HANDS UP OR I'LL SHOOT EVERY ONE OF YOU!
*Friends theme begins to play over PA*
*Everyone sweats nervously*

@lyric_intent: It's ok spider, everyone screams when I surprise them in the shower too

@lyric_intent: Peoples whose sliding closet doors never come off their tracks, what do you do with the rest of your dark magic?

@lyric_intent: It doesn't matter how up-to-date your donor card is, the hospital gets really judgey when you drop off a liver unannounced.