@michaeljhudson: Prank: put a bucket of water on top of the door, then shoot your roommate in the stomach. When the cops come, they get soaking wet!
@michaeljhudson: I brought a t-shirt cannon to a knife fight. Everyone dropped their knives to catch their own piece of WNBA history.
@michaeljhudson: Cop: do u have anything illegal in the vehicle
Me: *thinks about all the drugs in the car* no
Cop: why did you just say asterisk thinks abo
@michaeljhudson: Whoops, pizza sauce on my hands. Better wash this off with soap and water. Oh poop on my ass? I'll just use this dry paper and call it good.