Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mishakey's best tweets

@mishakey : I SAW ON THE NEWS THAT SOME GUY IN ANOTHER STATE DIED ARE YOU OKAY - my mom

@mishakey: If you stop at a yellow light I'm going to assume you have something illegal in your car.

@mishakey: I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.

@mishakey: Nothing terrifies me more than hearing, "Mommy close your eyes I have a present."

@mishakey: DOES HOLY WATER WORK ON OBNOXIOUS CHILDREN

@mishakey: Going to meet my daughter's kindergarten teacher tonight. Her name is Miss Cox. Not sure I'm mature enough for this situation.

@mishakey: I can't help but notice that the Ninja Turtles never wash their hands before eating pizza in the sewer.

@mishakey: Don't forget to check your backseat for murderers! Haha! No, but seriously bring me a coke it's hot in here.

@mishakey: I found some dignity. If no one claims it in 24 hours, I'm keeping it.

@mishakey: Him: Wow you're eating again?
Me: Wow you're celibate again?