Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mollzbenn's best tweets

@mollzbenn : Ambien before beer, nothing tur fleer, beer befra Ambien, sam sumber sambien

@mollzbenn: There's a reaaalllly old tupperware in the back of the fridge, I tried to open it, but then something closed it from the inside.

@mollzbenn: I brought a hot glue gun to the gun range and it was awkward at first, but now we've created so many memories.

@mollzbenn: Crazy how some people consider swimming to be a sport when the only alternative to it is drowning.

@mollzbenn: I made a grocery list last night when I was drunk and it just says "healthy stuff," "looob," and "you don't own me."

@mollzbenn: It's amazing how much you can get away with by wearing an orange vest and a hard hat. I've been digging a hole in this Forever 21 for hours.

@mollzbenn: The same friends who used to pressure me as a teen to drink & do drugs now pressure me as an adult to eat chia seeds & do crossfit.

@mollzbenn: Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you a really nice house to be miserable in.