@mommajessiec: [50 years from now]
*visiting husband’s grave*
“I wanted to let you know that after all these years I’ve finally figured out where I want to go to eat.”
@mommajessiec: Friend: What’s it like having kids?
Me: *crushes cracker and sneezes it into their face*
@mommajessiec: *giving my sister parenting advice*
Me: So, you lift them like this.
M: Then, scream into it. Now you try.
S: [picks up pillow]
@mommajessiec: Husband: Wouldn’t it be easier to buy a larger size jeans?
Me: (on roof) Just hold out my skinny jeans for me to jump into like we planned!
@mommajessiec: Reasons people get divorced:
-husband starts using the term boi
-lack of intimacy
@mommajessiec: My children wanted to name our 2 guinea pigs Guinea and Piggie, so it is a certainty I will have future grandchildren named Girl and Boy.
@mommajessiec: 6yo: What does it feel like to be invisible?
Me: (on toilet) I wish I knew.
@mommajessiec: Husband: I love everything about you.
Me: Even my toe hair?
H: What toe hair?
Me: *tears up* That’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me.
@mommajessiec: Me, at 21: I’m going to try a new hobby this year!
Me, at 28: I’m going to try a new career this year!
Me, at 35: I’m going to try a new spot on the couch this year