Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of mommajessiec's best tweets

@mommajessiec : Friend: What’s it like having a tween daughter? Me: *pretends I didn’t hear her*

@mommajessiec: Me: *hanging off a cliff*

Kids: Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!

Me: Oh thank goodness! Kids, go get-

Kids: What’s for dinner?

@mommajessiec: 6yo: You’re grounded.

Me: Okay.

6yo: FOREVER!

Me: Thank you.

@mommajessiec: Husband: You don’t need to wear makeup, babe.

Me: (dressed as a witch) Thanks.

@mommajessiec: Having another child is like finally learning how to juggle hacky sacks and someone throws in a bowling ball.

@mommajessiec: 8yo: Is it okay if Dylan comes over?

Me: Is he the one with the PS4?

8: Yes.

Me: And motorized scooter?

8: Yes.

Me: And trampoline?

8: Can you drive me to his house?

@mommajessiec: 6yo: I like my hair short and long. I want my hair to be short and long at the same time.

Me: *shows her a picture of a mullet*

6yo: Oh no.

@mommajessiec: Pro: My 3yo knows a little bit of Spanish.

Con: It’s the lyrics from Despacito.

@mommajessiec: Me: So, what did you bring home from preschool today?!?

3yo: *sneezes*

@mommajessiec: Me, to 10yo: The first step in doing your math homework is *starts crying*