Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ninatreemonkey's best tweets

@ninatreemonkey : I don't even like sleep, it's just the only way I can eat spiders

@ninatreemonkey: {Commercial for Floors}

Is this you?

{footage of man falling endlessly to oblivion}

@ninatreemonkey: Guy: so what u up to after this?

Me: {remembering my friend said to be mysterious but quirky} probably eat a whole red onion in an alley

@ninatreemonkey: If I had two bathrooms I'd tell everyone someone died in one, I ain't tryna clean two bathrooms

@ninatreemonkey: Equally cool alternatives to air guitar:

Air slap bass

Air harmonica

Silent pig auctions

Balloons hitting people

The letter Q

@ninatreemonkey: Dance like theres no tomorrow OH MY GOD THERES NO TOMORROW WHY ARE WE DANCING

@ninatreemonkey: Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free

@ninatreemonkey: Met my boyfriend on eharmony, also eharmony is the nickname I gave this vending machine, meet my sandwich

@ninatreemonkey: The gardener at my work put beer in the garden to catch slugs
SO GUESS WHO JUST BECAME A SLUG