Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ohmygrapeness's best tweets

@ohmygrapeness : Cornhub... For them dirty farmers.

@ohmygrapeness: * Wins lottery

* Blows it all on a pack of decent razor blades

@ohmygrapeness: Moaning "Oh God" on a Sunday morning is the closest I'll get to church

@ohmygrapeness: I like my whiskey like my marriage....

On the rocks.

@ohmygrapeness: Millennials urban dictionary everything... I come from a time when the thesaurus roamed the earth.

@ohmygrapeness: Whenever I’m about to give a speech in front of an audience, I imagine myself naked.

Wait, what

@ohmygrapeness: One of the few joys in my life is when my kids step on their own Lego.

@ohmygrapeness: Him: Toast me some bread please?

Me *raising wine glass

Here's to bread!